It has been a very long time since I have been affectionate with anybody.

~

My coworker touched me with too much familiarity. Familiarity he hadn't earned.

"I don't like being touched," I told him, quite seriously, and then looked away. When I looked back his finger was hovering an inch away from my face.

"I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you!" he taunted. I jerked backwards.

"Don't do that!" I said, more forcefully and louder than before. "I really don't like being touched in the face."

The boss was standing nearby and looked over curiously. My coworker dropped his hand to his side.

"Sorry," he said. "You know I was just joking."

"Don't joke about that," I said. "I am very uncomfortable with it."

"Sorry," he repeated, suitably admonished.

"Yeah," I said, and looked away.

~

Watching television, late at night. I flip to some schlocky show on the space channel.

"Nobody knows where I sleep," the vampire was saying, as he stood in his hidden coffin and looked up at the girl, sweet and startled with her blond bob.

There was a moment of silence as this information permeated her, and he climbed out to stand in front of her, cup her face with his hands, and press her lips to his. His brows drew together with painful intensity and she shook under the power of it.

Something inside my chest jerked, lifted momentarily, and then sunk into a cloudy blue-grey despair.

~

The female porn star did not quite know what she was in for.

I knew. I had run across the male porn star once before, during my late-night internet meanderings. He had always kind of stuck in my head as someone who enjoys his job above and beyond the call of duty.

"I think she needs warming up," said the director's voice as the male star stepped in, camera left. She smiled coyly at the camera, then at him, rubbing her thighs together and fluttering her fake eyelashes, but it didn't seem to have any effect.

She bored me, wearing little more than lipstick, high heels, and opera length red satin gloves.

He was fully clothed and remained so, even as he caught her, one arm under the armpit, between the breasts, and hooked over the opposite shoulder, and the other catching her groin.

She tried to make eyes at the camera again, to show how much she was enjoying herself, but then his hand began working and with a startled expression her legs collapsed under her.

I have never seen a male porn star kiss his co-star before, but he did, carefully, tenderly, passionately, hungrily, angrily, one the lips, hair, ear, throat.

It has been a very long time since someone has kissed me, carefully, tenderly, passionately, hungrily, angrily, anywhere.

~

I pine for G, and I know I shouldn't. I know I oughtn't. The very fact that I am makes me miserable.

Half the conversations we have are out and out fights.

But I remember his hand on my throat, fingers sliding up and back into my hair, the curve of his shaved head, his kisses, painfully urgent, between my breasts, the soft glow from the bedside lamp illuminating the stark contrast between our skin.

Every time my phone rings, I hope it is him.

~

To quote The Wedding Singer: What I'm saying is all I really want is someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be all right.

The problem is, I just don't want to settle...

.

~Rosie.

Before&After