"Do you love me?"

~

G called. He was playing some game online at the same time, so he was a little distracted.

"Ask me a question," he said. "Anything."

I thought about it for only a second or two. There had been something I'd been wondering.

"Did you ever know your father?" He'd mentioned his father had left the picture when he was young, but we never really talked about it.

"Nope," he said.

"Did you ever meet him?"

"Nope."

"Do you know what his name is?"

He thought about this one for a moment. "Nope."

"Did your parents break up when you were really young?" I asked then. "Or was it a hump-and-run?"

"They broke up when I was still a baby, I think," he said. He didn't sound too certain.

~

"Do you love me?"

~

I have thought long and hard about my definition of love.

The mere concept makes me uncomfortable. To express such a vulnerability to anybody makes me squirm like I have weasels down my pants.

For years I have decided to express love in other ways than words. There are so many ways to say 'I love you'.

I don't even say 'I love you' to my parents. Some days I feel like I should, because they're getting old, but then, there's the weasels...

~

Since May Crown, people have been posting photos and photos and photos, and I'm not ashamed to admit I scoured them for evidence of G.

And I found him, over and over again. He's hard to miss, being one of the only black guys in a sea of white faces.

~

"Alright," I said, when his attention started drifting again. "Your turn."

"What?"

"I asked you a question," I said. "Now it's your turn."

He was silent for a few seconds.

"Do you love me?"

If I'd have been standing, I would have rocked back onto my heels.

"Wow," I said. "That's a question."

"Yeah," he sounded a little sheepish. "I figured I'd ask directly rather than beat around the bush anymore."

I had a fast internal debate. I don't generally use the words, but what else could I say? I do love him, and denying it wouldn't get me anywhere, and would probably only hurt him...

"Yeah," I said. "I love you. Possibly against my better judgement, but I do."

He was silent for a second longer, digesting this.

"How do you know?"

Here is a man who doesn't understand love.

"Because," I said, "I lay awake at night and wish I was near you. Because I want everything good to happen to you."

I could have gone on for a lot longer.

~

"Do you love me?"

I didn't ask him whether he loved me. I don't think I want to know.

.

Rosie.

Before&After