Half the time talking to G makes me happy, and half the time, it makes me sad.

It's the shit vs. shine ratio. Is he bringing too much shit to my life?

~

"Did your friend arrive okay?" I asked. His friend, a woman living somewhere in Europe, with whom he had a brief torrid affair, sometime before he met me.

"Yeah," he says. "She's sleeping."

I am flattered, briefly, that he has taken the time to call me, despite having a house guest, and a female one at that, until it comes to light that she's sleeping in his bed.

"Where are you sleeping?" I ask, somewhat testily, because I know the answer.

"In my bed, of course," he says, as if it's obvious. Which, stupidly, it is.

"Lovely," I say, bitterly. It is one of the moments where I hate my weakness.

"What?" he says, irritated. "I'm clothed and she's clothed. Nothing is going to happen."

I know G's lack of self-restraint. I don't believe it.

"Anyway," he continues. "I've fucked her plenty before. She doesn't count." The fact he's saying this makes me believe he's already fucked her, less than twenty-four hours into her stay.

"Bullshit she doesn't count!" I'm angry.

"What do you mean, 'bullshit'?" He's angry too, now.

"Look," I say, settling into a thick unhappiness. "It's like I said before. Next time a girl opens her legs for you, take a moment to think. If you would rather fuck her, than me, you ought to let me know."

This frightens him. "Why?"

"Because," I say, iron in my voice, "I don't want to be second best."

~

I really need to stop talking to him. He is not healthy for me.

~

"What do you want from me?" he asks, exasperated.

"To quote The Wedding Singer," I say after a moment. "All I really want is someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay."

He's quiet for a moment, then softly: "That would be nice."

"Yeah."

"Well," he says, still soft, "you'll get that in a week."

"Here's hoping," I reply.

I'll see him in a week. Providing I don't get so angry at him that I decide to stop talking to him.

Will that ever happen?

~

I'm watching the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice. The Elizabeth is cross-eyed, which just cracks me up, considering she's supposed to have such 'fine eyes'.

Oh well.

.

Rosie.

Before&After