Half the time talking to G makes me happy, and half the time, it makes me sad. It's the shit vs. shine ratio. Is he bringing too much shit to my life? ~ "Did your friend arrive okay?" I asked. His friend, a woman living somewhere in Europe, with whom he had a brief torrid affair, sometime before he met me. "Yeah," he says. "She's sleeping." I am flattered, briefly, that he has taken the time to call me, despite having a house guest, and a female one at that, until it comes to light that she's sleeping in his bed. "Where are you sleeping?" I ask, somewhat testily, because I know the answer. "In my bed, of course," he says, as if it's obvious. Which, stupidly, it is. "Lovely," I say, bitterly. It is one of the moments where I hate my weakness. "What?" he says, irritated. "I'm clothed and she's clothed. Nothing is going to happen." I know G's lack of self-restraint. I don't believe it. "Anyway," he continues. "I've fucked her plenty before. She doesn't count." The fact he's saying this makes me believe he's already fucked her, less than twenty-four hours into her stay. "Bullshit she doesn't count!" I'm angry. "What do you mean, 'bullshit'?" He's angry too, now. "Look," I say, settling into a thick unhappiness. "It's like I said before. Next time a girl opens her legs for you, take a moment to think. If you would rather fuck her, than me, you ought to let me know." This frightens him. "Why?" "Because," I say, iron in my voice, "I don't want to be second best." ~ I really need to stop talking to him. He is not healthy for me. ~ "What do you want from me?" he asks, exasperated. "To quote The Wedding Singer," I say after a moment. "All I really want is someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay." He's quiet for a moment, then softly: "That would be nice." "Yeah." "Well," he says, still soft, "you'll get that in a week." "Here's hoping," I reply. I'll see him in a week. Providing I don't get so angry at him that I decide to stop talking to him. Will that ever happen? ~ I'm watching the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice. The Elizabeth is cross-eyed, which just cracks me up, considering she's supposed to have such 'fine eyes'. Oh well. . Rosie.
Before&After
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