Long day. We're in the middle of tech week.

~

"Be careful," I say, handing over the ziploc baggie full of bullets. "There's a lot of black powder in the bottom of this bag. Don't load the gun, then, say, light a cigarette."

The assistant stage manager laughs. We both know she doesn't smoke. The bag still makes me nervous, though, even though they're only blanks.

She loads the gun, then locks the rest in a red metal toolkit.

It's safe, I guess.

~

My roommate is an alcoholic. I know it, he says he knows it, but I don't think he understands it.

Last time I stayed here, I tried to help him cut back, because he said he wanted to.

He didn't really want to. He just wanted to be perceived as such.

Sometimes half bottles of rum would mysteriously disappear overnight, then mysteriously replenish themselves the next day.

Mystery, mystery.

This go around I've decided not to care.

I still worry, oh yes. But I am quiet about it. And I drink, too.

He likes to crow about how excellent store brand liquor is, and will get me to blind taste it.

I always know it's the cheap stuff. You can taste it, in the watery beginning, the acidy finish.

But he likes it, or says he does.

It all worries me.

~

I sit on the couch in the green room. It's a weird place for me to be; normally technicians don't spend a lot of time near the actors.

It's just how it is.

Here I am, though. Stage blood laid out in front of me. Capsules full of mint flavoured mouth blood. Empty capsules waiting to be filled. A filler bottle.

"Did you see the steering wheel?" she says after a minute. I look questions at her.

"It came off."

"What?" I say. I thought I'd secured everything, well, securely.

I went to look. They had managed to tear the steering wheel right off the post.

"I'm going home," I told her, and did.

~

There's this actor in our show...

Ye gods, don't fall for actors. Especially actors with this gold wedding bands.

But holy jeez, do I want to.

He reminds me WAY too much of G, which is exactly why I should cease talking to him.

And yet...a small part of me is perversely delighted that my opening night dress is SMOKING hot.

I'm going to rock that opening.

.

Rosie.

Before&After