You should date this guy, my bff messages me, and links me to his Instagram page. I'm obsessed with him.

I check out his 'gram. Lots of performance stuff. Not afraid to play the fool. Looks like a lot of fun.

I add him. What the heck. He takes fun photos. He has so many followers, he doesn't notice my blip.

~

Things are not going well with my old lover.

His same behaviors surface. He makes me angry. But this time I tell him exactly why he's making me angry, then I don't talk to him for the better part of a week.

Sitting in my old armchair, watching tv with my roommates, I impulsively download a dating app. Not that one. One of the other ones, where people actually look for relationships.

I start swiping.

My god, people are boring.

I like the outdoors--

A man with no shirt holds a large fish.

Working out is a large part of my life--

A golf course. A sailboat. On top of a mountain.

Must love dogs--

I feel a little bit guilty as I flick left. There's nothing wrong with these people, really. But there's nothing right about them either.

Flick, flick, flick--

Oh shit.

It's him.

I hesitate for a second a flick right.

IT'S A MATCH!

OH SHIT.

This app requires the woman to message first.

I frantically message my bff and give her the lowdown.

SHIT SHIT SHIT WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SAY?

I DON'T KNOW!!

YOU HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING!!

Should I ask him what his favourite dinosaur is?

YES!

I wait until the next morning.

What's your favourite dinosaur?

The next hour is an agony of waiting, but finally my phone pings.

First of all, he says, best opening line ever. Secondly--

He tells me about his favourite dinosaur.

We talk about movies. Pop culture.

I know so much about him already. But I don't tell him about Instagram. Cause that's fuckin' creepy.

He asks me out. He seems surprised to have gotten to this point.

I say yes. I make the time and place.

In my head you're already married, my bff says.

Shit.

Let's try not to fuck this up, shall we?

.

Rosie.

Before&After