Utah in the winter
March 22, 2019 - 10:42 p.m.

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I think you're depressed.

The words curl around my ankle like a tangle of seaweed and drag at my feet. I feel like I'm walking through jello.

Depressed? Depressed?

Am I?

I don't know.

I pick my feelings up, one by one, like rocks, and inspect them for bugs.

They seem functional. Round and grey and heavy.

I don't know.

When was the last time I felt...

...happiness?

It comes in bursts, like rainbow soap bubbles, and then is gone without a residue.

When happiness is not there, there is just...

...nothing.

Is that normal?

I don't know.

There's not despair. There's not hope. There's just....nothing.

A flat grey void, like Utah in the winter.

Words bubble up from somewhere around my neck, the thought surfacing like the little white triangle in a magic 8 ball.

Nothing is fun, and everything makes me angry.

That can't be good.

.

Rosie.

Before&After