An Internal Dialogue
February 07, 2003 - 8:39 a.m.

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Why don't you do it, Rosie? Why don't you just do it. Just do the deed.

But you know, you know I can't.

Can't? Or won't.

Okay, won't.

By why won't you?

I don't want to.

You don't want to. I think you're scared.

Scared. Of what?

Of what it may mean. Of what it may not mean. Of learning of a lie or proving the truth. Of yourself.

So I'm scared. So what?

Why are you scared?

Why not?

Because it's stupid to be scared. Everyone's doing it. Why won't you?

Because when I was little, the docters...

Oh, shut up. I know about the docters. They don't mean anything anymore.

I guess...

You're just frigid.

No.

You know you are.

No, no I'm not.

Then why won't you?

Because it's innocence lost that I can never get back. Because he knows what to expect and I don't know what to give. Because he's had many and I've had none. I want to be the best, but with no experience, I could easily be the worst. Because I feel like I'm givin in. Because there was some little part of me that vowed a man would never get in my pants.

Are you done yet?

Because there's some little voice in me that viciously wants to prove that it's possible to have a completely content and meaningful relationship without sex.

Is it?

Before&After