We broke up.

It's the end of a chapter.

Something I'll never be able to get back.

I asked if we could open the relationship, and he said he couldn't do that, so we just ended splitting.

It hurt.

It still hurts, like a keen edge against my throat.

I feel like I've just ripped my own arm from the socket with my teeth.

I feel like I tore my own heart of my chest and proceeded to tear strips from it.

And judging by the look on his face, I did exactly the same thing to him.

It hurts.

God, I'm going to cry again.

I cried for a good five hours already today.

There's still a stupid calm little voice inside that's telling me: "Trust me. It's better this way."

But it still fucking hurts.

And he cried. He just sat silently, said "Ow. That really hurts." and starting crying.

Just lightly.

Not the way I cry, with shaking sobs.

Just quietly cried.

He never, ever cries.

He clapped me lightly on the shoulder and gave a little bitter laugh, "Congradulations. You're the first girl to make me cry."

I'm also the first girl he had true feelings for.

The first girl who broke his heart.

The first girl to make him cry.

And I feel so bad. Positively sick to my stomach.

I'm going to go cry some more, now.

.

Rosie.

Before&After