So I bought a book today.

The worst fantasy book I've ever seen in my entire life, which is why I just had to have it.

Get this:

First off, it's titled "Brak the Barbarian".

Is that not enough to send your contemporary fantasy senses roiling, listen to the synopsis it gives on the back (and I quote):

"Out of the frozen North comes the mighty enemy of evil! Brak, the yellow-haired warrior, pushes his way south toward golden Khurdisan, the city of his dreams, on a lonely journey through strange kingdoms threatened by dark perils and foul sorcery. Might broadsword in hand, an unconquerable will inehart, Brak savagely battles the grotesque evils that block his fated path."

...aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIAAAIIIGHHH!!!!

Waitwaitwait. It's not over.

Here's the little bit of story right inside the front cover:

"Brak's last thin veneer of civility and sense cracked away. With one awful, animal yell, he gathered spittle in his mouth, blew it in the crawling face of the pried Septegundus and buffeted the foul creature with his mighty fist.

Instantly black night descended. Red lightning flashed. Septegundus lunged at Brak through billowing smoke, holding in each hand a writhing, wet-scaled black serpant with a triple-forked tongue. Septegundus gave a thin, derisive cry.

Fear and madness pounded in Brak's brain as he frantically groped for his fallen sword....for his savage attack on the evil priest had somehow unleashed the terrible power and wrath of the god Yob-Haggoth!"

I almost peed myself laughing when I read the inside cover, and decided I had to have this book, although I don't think I'll *ever* read it.

Not to mention there's aparently three other books in this 'Brak' series.

GOOD GOD!

I'm glad we've more or less grown out of this particularely sad stage in fantasy literature.

Otherwise, I may just have had to kill someone with my giant fifty pound one handed sword while shouting in a passionate animalistic way.

Rawr.

.

Rosie.

Before&After