I had the wildest nightmare last night.

(Which is ironic, for reasons I don't want to let out into the public world. But lets just say it was ironic.)

I don't know if it could really be termed a nightmare. I wasn't really frightened, just in a lot of pain.

About this time of year I usually have a nightmare. This one was different, though (so maybe it wasn't my usual nightmare).

Usually, it is a situation where women are repressed and I am beaten within an inch of my life by a father figure.

In this one, I was held down on a table by my little brother, who wasn't my little brother but was (inside he wasn't, but he looked like my little brother), and tortured.

I don't remember much, thank god, but it was pretty horrific.

I remember my little toes being cut off by a pair of wire cutters, and him perched on my chest after I tried to escape and cutting off my nose and lips with a knife.

I did eventually escape. I was scared then, sort of, because I just ran to our neighbour's place across the street. I wasn't really feeling pain then, only a hot warmth.

They were watching tv, and weren't very perturbed by me, but let me stay and use the phone anyway.

I asked if I could hide upstairs, and they said I could. I dragged myself up the stairs (it was easier than I expected, considering he'd dug a hole in the small of my back with his knife; I think he was trying to seperate my vertebra) and lay on the landing at the top.

There I phoned 911 and it took FOREVER for them to get there.

When they finally arrived, one of the paramedics was some famous comedic actor, or at least he looked like him, and he kept making jokes in very bad taste.

"Man, it looks like your toes were twisted off with pliers!"

"Wire cutters, actually."

"Man!"

Anyway, the alarm woke me up just as they were loading me onto the trolly, or what ever the hell that thing is.

It was a wild and mostly disturbing dream, though I didn't wake up as terrified as my other ones.

Normally when I have nightmares (which is maybe half a dozen times in my life) I will wake up positively terrified and the places where I was hurt in my dream will tingle and almost ache.

This one I just kind of passively woke up and frowned.

So who knows. Maybe my yearly nightmare is still to come? Maybe not?

This one wasn't as realistic as my usual ones, either. The sights and smells and sensations weren't as sharp. But it's pretty stereotypical for me not to wake up when the torturing starts.

Weird.

I'm going to go fiddle around on the 'net now and make myself feel better.

.

Rosie.

Before&After