I inspect my fingers as I ride the train.

My pinky on my right hand and my middle finger on my left hand are withered and red. The eczema spreads. It burns. My hands burn, and the burning is spreading.

I remember to put ointment on them as often as I forget.

~

I was twelve, and the chihuahua's name was Brutus. I'd never seen a pure bred dog before, much less one as small as Brutus. Most people in my bijoux mountain town preferred labs and retrievers, athletic climbing dogs, not this tiny mouse coloured, rat-sized thing.

The cat next door was this fat Siamese tabby cross named Casey. Brutus would bark until he vibrated, and Casey would ignore him completely.

I liked to lean over the chain link fence and watch him as he leapt, snapping at my face, almost making himself sick with rage.

He would never get over that fence. He'd never chase that cat. He'd never reach my face. He could bark and bark and bark with as much fury as he wanted, and it would all come to nothing.

I often think about Brutus while I'm at work.

~

Martina sends me a letter. I find it on top of the radiator in the hallway just as I'm heading out the door to work, so I stuff it in my purse to read on the train.

It is two sheets of foolscap, in her loopy teacher handwriting. She thanks me graciously for the money I sent her at Christmas.

(I feel weird about it. It feels weird to send people money. But I know her husband is a stay-at-home dad, and their income is small, and they have no indoor plumbing and live in the country and anyway. I sent her a little bit of money.)

She tells me she bought a nice wool sweater and wool socks for her little girl, because there was another cold snap. Wool is a good investment.

She tells me she is pregnant again.

I fold the letter with my burning fingers and tuck it carefully in the outer pocket of my purse, to read again later.

I open the OKCupid app, and flip through messages. Idiots. Weirdos. Serial killers.

I close the app. My hands are burning. The sun is coming up. It's almost time for work.

Bark, bark.

.

Rosie.

Before&After