The most bizzare thing just happened to me. Well, not just happened, but about twenty minutes ago.

See, the power downtown is going to be cut off at 2am, so Mike and Rye have to shut down Subway a little early.

By candlelight.

The one problem is that Mike forgot his candles at his apartment. So when I wandered in (since he couldn't leave work) he asked me to walk over and get them.

And of course I said sure. I mean, it wasn't the first time and he had been very nice to me earlier although he'd been having a bad day.

So I went to get his candles from his kitchen cupboard.

(Heehee. I wrote 'Property of Troll' on his countertop in salt, mostly because I had no lipstick to write with, and put the troll next to it. I think he'll get a snicker out of that.)

And found the candles and was returning when I spied a small group of rather rowdy males clustered around a car on the opposite side of the street a little ways up the road.

So, naturally, I stay on my side of the street, head down, don't make eye contact in hopes they don't make cat calls.

Well, I shouldn't have worried. This was pretty much the initiating conversation:

"Man, I wanna fight before we leave..."

"Hey, there's a guy!"

"Hey, top hat! Top hat!"

(I wasn't wearing a top hat, I might point out. I was wearing a fedora. Man, they needed some lessons in hats...)

I glanced up, but went back to ignoring them.

"Top hat!"

I knew they were trying to pick a fight, and they thought I was male, so I figured I'd teach them a bit of a lesson.

So I looked up, strait at them, smiled, waved, and called: "Hello there! Nice to meet you!"

"Holy fuck!"

"That's no guy, that's a girl!"

"Hey, girl, girl, come over here!"

And, well, because my life has been pretty monotonous lately, and I was bored, and it was in a wide, well used public area, I walked across the street.

"Hey, high five! Gimme a high five!"

It was obvious they were all fairly drunk and quite rowdy. Or so I assumed at first. One I don't believe had been drinking at all, and he was the driver and the most polite, nicest and sensible of them all.

"Hey, first, what's yer name?"

"Rosie."

"Oh, that's perfect! Perfect!"

And they all (save the driver) proceeded into some yelling game that had something to do with the name Rosie that I didn't understand at all. But they seemed to enjoy it quite thoroughly.

Then proceeded a great deal of "Hey, come to Castlegar with us!"

And one particular annoying little shit that barely cleared my nose kept spanking me. Repeatedly. I mean, I have quite a long tolerance for people (fortunately) or I probably would have beaten the living crap out of him. And I think I could have too. I had my knife on my if things got too out of hand.

They kept trying and trying to get me to go to Castlegar with them. One begged and pleaded. The annoying little shit promised I could get fucked for hours. Oo. That's attractive. That really wants to make me go. *eyes roll* Some people are completely tactless.

They all demanded hugs when they discovered I picked people up when I hugged (the driver asked for a hug first, so I picked them up, which is what started the hugging part).

One clung to me, and another stole my hat and sat in the car with it while the annoying little shit kept spanking me.

*sigh*

Some men.

When the one hanging on me finally let go and I slipped away from the annoying little shit, I looked around for my hat (which I didn't know had been stoled) which had fallen off my head.

"Where's my hat? I need my hat back."

The driver just said, "Hand on. I'll get it."

And he pried it from the drunken fingers of the non-descript one in the car and gave it back to me.

The driver really was nice. If I hadn't already have a boyfriend, and one I'm /extremely/ happy with, I would have asked him for his phone number or his email address or /something/.

He might have been gay, though. He kind of struck me as gay. Not that I mind, though. Though, now that I think about it, he didn't really /act/ gay. I mean, he seemed vaguely interested in me.

Around the beginning of the confrontation, when I tipped the rim of my hat up to look at him (he had a nice beard. I wanted to see if the rest of his face were as nice), he looked down at me and said:

"You're quite pretty."

Which is nice to hear, frankly. I don't hear it very often, especially not from strangers.

But one pleasing thing though. Here's a brief conversation between me and the annoying little shit:

"How 'bout I spank your bare ass? You'd like that, wouldn't you, me spanking your ass?" (He'd been going on like this for a good five minutes after I moved my butt out of reach of his hand and stepped up onto the curb.)

"How 'bout I spank you long and hard? Spank you good? I bed you'd like it. You'd like it. Come on, admit it. Me slapping your ass before we go--"

"How about I slap your face before I go you fucking bastard?"

...All said with a pleasant smile on my face, as usual. I had actually thought about it. Slapping him, I mean. Just him, though. The other guys weren't so offensive and tended not to talk about fucking in alleys or spanking my ass.

When they were just finishing piling into the car the driver came over to me and said:

"I'm really sorry for my friend's behaiviour."

I just laughed. I'm not really irritated to the point of serious offence ever; I tend to brush things off if they're harmless.

"It's alright," I replied and smiled. "I like you."

...

It was an unteresting night.

When I got to Subway, I told Mike what had happened, practically laughing, (as he slowly crushed the end of the box of candles in his fist).

Mike: "Hey, Rye, wanna go to Castlegar tomorrow? Death would be involved."

Rye: "Yeah, sure. That'd be fun. Got descriptions and/or liscence plate number?"

Me: "Nah, not really, but there was an annoying little shit that barely cleared my nose."

Rye: "Hmm. We might kill the wrong annoying little shit, though."

Mike: "It doesn't matter. Death will come."

It was quite nice, having someone offer to beat people up for you. Nice to know someone's backing you.

Anyway, I'm going to head to bed. I have plenty of work to do tomorrow. Henry VII and his six wives, and eight hoops of roofing plastic. Whoo.

Good night, mes amies. Sleep well, if you ever do.

.

Rosie.

Before&After