You know, most of the time anything sexual positively sickens me. Why? I don't know.

Could stem from a variety of things, but I shan't get into those: too personal (and some too explicet) for here, I'm afraid, or I'd share.

But really, though. It's rough, my mind and my body in constant battle.

My mind shrinks from the idea of anything sexual, labels it as bad, horrible, hurtful, and something to be avoided.

My body yearns for the touch of another human being, responds when my mind tells it not to. It seconds, it feels pleasure, pressure, all the beautiful sensations that sexual encounters come with.

My mind drags up old memories, sharp images of invading docters, of invading stangers, of all the pain and the hurt and the badness associated with 'those areas'.

My body ignores my mind and continues on it's course.

My mind reminds my body of the deformations, the potential hurt, the possibility of bleeding, complications, pain, and death of one or more people.

My body reminds my mind of the warmth, the companionship, the duty, the pleasure, the affection, the soft touch of a lover.

It's frustrating, it is, having a body and a mind that don't agree.

They don't agree about most things.

Sexual things most of all. Even now when I think about doing some of the things that are so common between partners, I am almost phsyically ill. I don't find genitals attractive in any way, more repulsive than anything else. I don't want to touch or look or feel or anything, thank you.

I try and gradually temper myself to tolerate sexual things, but I don't like it. I really don't.

*shudder*

Am I the only one?

.

Rosie.

Before&After