I'm doing a million times better than I was. I don't know what came over me for about a month there. It was like a sickening cloud.

Even Candace pulled me out of karaoke on Sunday and asked what was up. She said I was 'acting weird'. I don't know how I was acting (though I was on the road to feeling better about everything).

I'm still in a transient stasis, staying away from my parents' house as much as possible, unless they're asleep or at work, sleeping at Loren's, eating at Judy and Janette's (I bring in food there, to supplement what I'm consuming). I think that's been getting to me.

I've been going to the chiropractor regularely, now, once a week. He cracks my back and gives me exercises to do. I don't always do them regularely, but my back definately feels better. 'Free-er', if that's a word. I can move more easily.

The last time he cracked my back was exceptionally difficult. It took him three or four tries, but in the end it cracked. I felt dizzy for about half an hour after that.

I also went to the docter because my bladder infection(s) were flaring up again and I couldn't stand it. It's been a low level bladder infection for months and months, but I finally decided 'fuck it', and went.

Even though I hate docters.

He gave me a prescription for something or another that I've taken before (he wrote it up before testing me; I think he remembered me from last time).

He was a funny sort of docter. Young looking, with curly dark hair, and a halting, confused kind of quiet speech that wasn't very reassurring.

Anyway, he called me at work, and told me to get an ultrasound for my remaining kidney, to make sure everything is okay.

So I booked one.

You know when it is?

September twenty-freakin'-second.

SEPTEMBER.

TWENTY SECOND.

Oh well. It gives me an excuse to stay in Nelson and be with Loren. Because I still don't know what I'm doing with my life. I want to leave, but I don't want to leave. It's hard. I wish Loren would come with me where ever I go, but I don't think he will/can. Too much time, money, what ever invested around here.

*le sigh*

I could get an ultrasound earlier, but it'd be in Grand Forks. Jeebus. I hate Grand Forks. It's got a nice strip (which isn't really a strip; the highway goes through a long strip of beautiful heratidge houses with a gas station, liquor store and A&W at the end).

But that's pretty much all for Grand Forks. It's a stasis town. It never seems to move or throb with life or anything.

Stupid Grand Forks. Stupid ultrasound.

I don't like hospitals. Loren said he'd come with me, though. Which I'm thankful for; I don't think he likes hospitals either.

.

Rosie.

PS, Loren did the hottest thing last night that still makes my stomach flip and tingle. It wasn't even very significant, or intentional, it was just the way he curled over me, sliding an arm under my shoulders, and I could feel the muscles of his arms and back tighten, see them bunch in sillouette in the sim light...It was hawt. *melts*

Before&After