Why do good things go so wrong all the time?

Funny how relationships can do that complete one-eighty.

From affection to hate, from adoration to bitter hurt.

I don't know if I'll ever understand it; I don't know if I'll ever deal with it, but it's one of those things everyone has to live with.

~

I heard this theory once, that reincarnation was a true thing, that we are reincarnated into lives to learn things, each life a new lesson, and we'd eventually be refined into the perfect soul, and then we would ascend into the great up, or heaven, or what ever you want to call it.

I've thought on the theory a lot. It's a good theory.

Most people who meet me tell me I'm an 'old soul', what ever that is.

Contrary, though, I feel so incredibly mind-numbingly young, with everything I don't know and haven't felt looming over me, ready to crash down at any point.

I don't know what it is. I don't know what I don't know, or what I haven't felt, but it's just great black shadows pressing in.

Sometimes I feel like this life is trying to teach me love and loss.

It's a frantic yo-yo, from top to bottom, top to bottom.

And I like steadiness. I like a constant. I like a balance, a perfect level teetertotter, walking the middle ground, observing all and feeling little -- detatched if nothing else.

I don't like when things happen that throw wrenches in my works.

Maybe that's why I'm a bit of a loner. I like my own company, because I rarely disagree with myself, I don't have to worry about falling in love with myself, or leaving myself, or hurting myself.

I don't know.

I don't know much.

Maybe I'm chronically depressed.

Maybe it's this goddamn city that does it to me.

Maybe it's the early, sharp winter that I'm not used to.

Maybe it's the stress from school, money, people, teachers.

I don't know.

I don't know much.

.

Rosie.

Before&After