I've been thinking lately.

Why don't I leap into bed with guys/gals like some girls do?

I mean, I like to leap into bed, don't get me wrong, but then there's hesitation.

Although my body responds with enthousiasm, there's something in my brain that just says "Hold on,".

So I do. Usually.

Once or twice I've pushed that little voice away a little too soon, and although I enjoyed it alright at the time, it makes me uncomfortable to think about. I always wish I'd waited a little longer.

I remember talking to an online friend of mine a long time ago, who I hadn't talked to in several years.

"Wow!" he said. "You've really opened up. You used to hate even the idea of being touched by a man."

I don't really remember that, though I am a little...slower in advancing than most people my age. I was one of the last of my social group to lose my virginity (and then it took a year and a half with the guy before we humped; yes, he was pretty patient).

I tell people I'm a cock-tease, mostly because, well, I am for the most part. I do like to flirt, but I don't often let it go anywhere.

Special is the person who does get to go that far.

There have only been four guys, and one girl. Two of those guys...well, it's not that I regret them, but I'd rather not think about them.

If I had the choice to retract what I'd done, I wouldn't, because I learned things about myself that I doubt I would have otherwise.

But still...Let's talk about something else.

I should go to bed. I work tomorrow afternoon. At Lunchbox! I'm excited. I really like that theatre, and I think we're painting tomorrow.

Also, I should really join the union. Man. I'm getting around to it.

Oh yeah, I'm back in Calgary, too. I sorted through my huge stack of mail, only two of which wanted money (one of which didn't want much), and I got two things from Ebay (10th Kingdom miniseries, and The Imposters! YES! I'm already half finished watching 10th Kingdom!).

I'm still waiting for one more package from ebay: a small peridot pendant, a small garnet/peridot/citrine/amethyst pendant, and a pair of moonstone earrings.

I shouldn't buy things off Ebay. :(

On the other hand, even though I'm broke now, I have $300 in checks that came in the mail ($100 which goes on Visa), and another $900 check coming from the job up in Red Deer. :)

Rent! Phone bill! Food! EVIL!...I mean EBAY!

No, no. I have to save up to buy a bus ticket home for the holidays, and rent for January. :( The bad thing about freelance, is you never know where your next job is coming from.

Oh well. I'm doing really well for myself in Calgary. :)

I'm happy.

.

Rosie.

PS, I still worry about Loren. I hope he's happy, too. Are you happy, Loren?

Before&After