It's been a long time since I updated, hasn't it? Everything I've felt like saying, or screaming off the balcony, is not really for public consumption, so I've been quiet. Quiet is almost worse. I feel like I'm choking on unsaid words sometimes. In other news, fuck I hate interpersonal politics. I really, really do. It feels like some people are angry at me for not cutting the same people that they have out of my life. I will not sacrifice my friends for anything, especially not childish assumptions. I think Tyne is angry with me, not necessarily for that, but... Well, I don't know. I think she's feeling guilty, because she has a great relationship going, and I'm hurting, and I really don't like listening to them at night. So she turns it into anger, because she doesn't know how to deal with guilt. (Shit, I have a Catholic mother. I know how to deal with guilt.) Yes, I'm jealous of Tyne and her boyfriend. I know I'm jealous. I've told Tyne I'm jealous, and I'm trying to deal, but it's a tough one. Sometimes things that are supposed to be jokes come out sounding bitchy and too-true, and so when that happens, I do try and catch myself and apologize. I may mean them, but it doesn't mean they're things Tyne or her boyfriend need to hear. Sometimes the truth is best kept silent, to smooth roads. The truth can cause so many problems. One of the ways I'm trying to deal with my jealousy, is to avoid yelling at them at night and let them have their fun. I've started sleeping with earphones in. It's not particularely comfortable, and I'm not getting a lot of sleep, mostly because I prolong going to bed in hopes that they'll be finished before I have to try and sleep. But! But I've held my tongue, way better than I did with her and her last boyfriend. Why do I put up with it? What the fuck is up with me? Her? I miss having a roommate. I hardly see her anymore. I will bake cookies and clean the kitchen, and hopefully everyone will be happier. . Rosie. PS, That's my solution for everything, by the way. Offer cookies.
Before&After
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