I was thinking today, due to a conversation my date (see previous entry) and I had.

Do I have a phobia of sex?

I have had three separate chances to have sex since I moved to Calgary, and I've run from all three.

Run in fear, basically.

And yet, my hormones are wild. I *do* want to have sex, but...

Every time I've landed in a place where, with minimal effort on my part, I could have sex, I've backpeddled like mad, scared.

Yes, scared.

It's not just the fact I don't just pass out my crotch-candy to everyone on the street, it's something beyond that.

Something I can't quite put my finger on. I feel tightly wound, like a spring.

Most of the time, when sex is near, something the guy does sets off my trigger, and I flee.

I've let myself be talked down twice, and I've willingly given in twice.

I will never be talked down again.

I will willingly give.

The date I had...well, he's expressed an appreciation for my physical side, and has point blank said he would be very pleased to have sex with me (not quite those words...I'm summarizing).

He was being upfront, so I was too.

I told him no. I told him I had a few issues surrounding sex (stemming, I think, from having been poked and prodded down there a lot by doctors when I was little). I apologized, and he told me not to. He wouldn't force the issue.

He hasn't, for which I'm grateful. We ended up talking on length about said issue.

Although I feel a physical attraction to him, and would be, on one hand, very happy to sex him up, on the other hand I'm scared out of my mind, beyond rationality. (I suspect it's a minor phobia, because it's the same kind of fear that I feel when confronted with needles, or doctors.)

Does anybody else have this fear?

Before&After