The other night, at Ian's birthday party: Brian: "Paul still thinks you're a sweet girl." Me (disgusted snort): "What the fuck ever." I went on to explain that all women are 'sweet' to him. It actually made me angry that he called me sweet. I would have hoped, after six months of dating, that he could have thought of a more original descriptor than 'sweet'. I have never been a sweet girl. In the same vein, I have never been a 'cute' girl. Ever. I do no delude myself; 'sweet' and 'cute' are just things I have never been. 'Ravishing' I have gotten numerous times, which leads me to believe that it is at least vaguely true. 'Strange', 'loud', 'cheerful', 'optimistic', these are all I can believe. 'Stunning', I can believe, on certain days. 'Striking' is probably the best descriptor of my looks. If I ever hear Paul calling me sweet, I'm going to tear him a new one and show him exactly where he can shove his sweet. ~ I spend a lot of time staring in the mirror and wondering if I am beautiful. I came to the conclusion yesterday that I'm not. Someone complimented me on my hair at Ian's birthday party, and it got me thinking. The two things that I am regularly complimented on are my hair (and it's some nice hair, I must say) and my skin (which I don't really understand; it's not much different than anyone else's, though maybe paler). I never get complimented on my eyes, or my mouth (except once by Tyne, which I overheard), and certainly never my beak-nose (except by Brian, but I think he's nuts). The bones of my face are too strong and prominent to be pretty or beautiful. Sure, I have an interesting face, but it's not a beautiful face. It does not depress me. In fact, I feel very little over this revelation. I know I am attractive. People like me, but not for my looks. I have decided people like me most because I like to laugh, and I like to make other people laugh. That is my theory, and all I have to say on the matter. And in other news, I made ninja turtle mittens. You know, the kind that have two fingers on one side, and two on the other. PRETTY AWESOME. Now I'm going to go put on some clothes and go to the bookstore. Because I luff me some books, yo. . ~Rosie.
Before&After
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