I am flipping through my music library, choosing songs for a mix CD for my friend Dustin, and I accidentally put on the song that Paul always had in his cd player (which doubled as his alarm clock).

Every single night I slept over there, it would wake me up in the morning.

Only a few notes played before I realized what it was a changed it, but I was still brought to the point of shaking and tears.

I want him out of my system.

My mother called the other day. I told her that I'd found out he was sleeping with another woman already.

"Already? Come *on*, Rosie. It's been months and months."

I wanted to yell at her for taking his side, because she always takes me exes sides, but I didn't.

I think she's disgusted at me for not being able to let go.

I want to let go, if letting go means it stops hurting.

I was going to write what it was like to wake up beside him, but I refuse to. I refuse to remember. It's not my place anymore.

Truthfully, I'm disgusted at myself for crying again after...what? Five months?

It's disgusting.

.

Rosie.

Before&After