So, Friday, my boss says: "I want to go hunt unsuspecting men. Let's have a girl's night."

I'm game, so I get all hotted up, and she, I, her sister, and two friends go out to the bar.

We went to one of the trendy bars first, for appies and drinks.

Well, SUPPOSEDLY drinks. I show the waitress my ID (my old driver's liscence, which is expired), and she says: "Sorry. Can't take this. Do you have anything else?"

I have my health card, which is still valid, but has no picture.

Well, shit.

So Caitlin calls up her little brother who promises to go by my house, get my passport from my roommates (who were a little weirded out that some strange boy was going to come to the door asking for my passport), after he's finished shaving (which takes a while, as he's a swimmer and shaves EVERYTHING).

Finally, he shows with my passport, accepts much love an gratitude, and departs.

And I drink, merrily!

I drink, and I drink, and then consequently, I have to pee.

So I go to the bathroom.

When I return, there is an empty glass sitting at my spot with a rubber glove, inflated, stretched over it.

I'm all: WTF?

I ask the girls at my table: "What the fuck?"

And they all shrug and seem mostly disinterested.

I get a tap on the shoulder behind me. A woman, who says: "Uh. Yeah. That's the creepy midget's way of saying hello."

And I look next to her and there's a (possibly vertically challenged) man blushing with embarrassment.

To make it slightly less creepy, I *had* met him before, or at least seen him before, but to make it slightly *more* creepy, we'd both been in fetish gear.

Anyway, it ended with us chatting for a few minutes, and I gave him my email address, so he could email me the pictures from the last event we were both at.

He has not yet emailed me.

After the trendy bar, our two friends bailed, so Caitlin, her sister, and I went to a hipster pub around the corner, that has a slightly more intelligent crowd, and the best selection of beer on tap around.

The sister bailed after one drink, but Caitlin and I commandeered a large empty table with a mysterious drink and sweater on it. (We were hoping someone dashingly handsome was going to come for the sweater and beer, but alas.)

Instead we ended up with a table of Spanish men. Exchange students, to be exact.

One of them was named Nacho. His actual name was Nacho; he showed us his ID. He had the best English of the lot of them. (I will forever remember him as Tortilla, because he was trying to make us guess what his name was, and that's what we decided.)

They were amusing, but kept forgetting to speak English, which would leave us baffled. There was one French guy, who was baffled about almost everything.

Anyway. 1am, we clear out. Caitlin is being hit on by one of the Spanish guys, Endri, who was pressing against her side in the most alarming way.

Caitlin drops me off at my place.

Caitlin doesn't wait to make sure I'm safely in my house.

This is usually no problem, except my keys were in my purse.

My purse was in her trunk.

I whip out my phone and call her just as she's pulling away.

My phone dies.

So it's 1:30am, I'm drunk, it's cold, and I'm locked out of my house with a dead phone.

I drop my backpack at the back door and start circling the house. Sometimes the front door gets left unlocked, because we only use it to check the mail.

No luck.

I start going around checking the basement windows. They all have ornate iron grates on them, but I seem to recall...

Ah! On one of them, the grate is unlocked. But the window is locked.

Never call me an unresourceful tech, because I jimmied that lock with a loonie (it was a pretty shitty lock).

And thank goodness my tall dresser was stationed right under that window, or it would have been a bit of a jump to the ground.

And thank goodness I'd taken all my razor blades to work that day! The day before I'd had them all scattered around the floor. (They're for leatherworking.)

Even so, I stumbled across the floor, swearing as I stepped on various other tools, scraps of leather, the rolled up hide, as I staggered towards the light switch.

Then I promptly plugged in my phone, called my boss and mentioned casually that she still had my keys.

She felt bad and promised to pick me up the next morning and drive me to work as recompense. That was acceptable.

All in all, an adventurous night.

~

Saturday, worked in the morning, Ian and Jenny's wedding in the afternoon.

It was brilliant! I wore my new stockings, the ones with the black and red stripes circling around them. They were a hit! Allison even licked my legs to check if they were candy.

I gave another boy my email address, but he did not email me either. Jerk.

I caught the bouquet! It's currently sucking up water in my bathroom sink, because I don't have a vase (I hate vases).

The wedding was fantastic. I hope to be loved by someone as much as Jenny and Ian obviously love each other.

They love each other so much it overflows and spills onto everyone around them.

~

Sunday, my one 'day off'. I spend the afternoon shopping.

I picked up a few things at the organic grocery store. Some bananas, some wholesome bread (I've been craving banana peanut butter sandwiches), some soup and crackers.

I got a small battered picture frame for a print I bought a while ago. It's a distorted girl bearing the words: "There is no excellent beauty that hath not a strangeness in proportion." or something like that.

It fits the frame just perfectly.

I swung by Winners, hoping for another score like the striped stockings, and picked up a pair of interesting stockings, but they're no stripes.

Then I came home and built two leg quivers, which worked out rather well.

~

This afternoon, right in the middle of show, I get a feeling.

I suspect I know what this feeling means.

I do quick math.

No, my period is not due for another week, at least.

But--

Gah!

I start sweating and flushing from the sudden pain in my joints and abdomen.

"Ah," I say to the stage manager. "I just started my period."

"Shitty," she says. "Please standby for sound cue thirty."

Sure enough. After the show I check.

I started my period -- a bad one -- right in the middle of show.

Damned body!

~

Fini.

~

.

Rosie.

Before&After