I had to confess to my boss that I'd dropped the ball. I had not completed a task she'd asked me to do on Thursday, until Saturday.

She snapped, as I knew she would, so I went and had a cry in the bathroom.

When I returned to the theatre, I was thankful for the darkness. It hid the unbelievable redness of my face.

Mike noticed, though, despite my attempts to calm my face with cold water.

He stepped around my ladder, put a comforting arm around my shoulder and kissed me on the temple.

Expressions of kindness and/or sympathy always get me crying.

I had to run up my ladder to hide my red eyes and wet cheeks in the blessed darkness of the grid.

~

"So, I have a question, and some bad news," I tell Scott, the designer, as I close the door to the Green Room.

In reality, I'm closing the door because the hallway is permeated with the smell of acetone and melting styrofoam. My boss was sculpting rocks in the front gallery area, and it was doing a good job of reeking up the entire area.

"Uh oh," says Scott lightly, though I can tell he's worried.

I have to confess to him that I forgot to order his gel when he asked me to.

I am not looking forward to it.

I also have a question about light placement.

So I confess first.

Scott says: "Is that all? That's nothing! I was worried. I can focus without gel; it's no problem. Just so long as we get it for Wednesday."

I heave an enormous sigh of relief.

The question is cleared up no problem.

I have discovered a new tactic: Scare the shit out of them, and then confess something that is relatively minor.

~

Mike is in the booth, changing the music. I'm standing in the hallway, but for what reason, I can't remember anymore. As me moves to pass me, I stop him.

"I am not qualified for this job," I confess, all in a rush, pressing the heels of my hands to my stinging eyes. I had already started the day by having a very thorough cry at home.

"Hush, hush," Mike says, opening his arms and tilting his chin out of the way. I step into the hug, and he squeezes me so tightly, it's hard to breath around the pressure from his shoulder.

I don't remember what he murmured into my ear as I tried desperately not to cry, but it must have helped, because I didn't burst into tears.

~

"Do you think it's creepy if I gave the cute security guard a package of chocolate eggs as thanks?" I ask my boss, referencing last Friday when I 'accidentally' locked my keys in the theatre.

When I was talking to him, he gave me a few of his chocolate eggs, so I thought that would be a nice little thank-you.

"Er," says my boss. "I don't know. You gotta be really light about it, or it'll come off as creepy."

"Okay," I say. "I'm not good at telling what's creepy and what's not."

"On that note," she says, looking up from her computer, "you should probably put on a shirt."

I look down. I'm wearing a rather skimpy red muscle shirt under my overalls. The bib of the overalls does kind of cover the entire shirt, making me appear naked.

I look around the theatre for extra shirts (which I usually have hanging around). I discover I only have one psychedelic shirt, a plaid paint shirt, and my black show shirt.

I choose the show shirt, and put it on under my overalls. I feel funny wearing a neat black dress shirt under my trashy paint-covered overalls.

"Better?" I ask my boss. She looks up from her computer.

"Better," she says rather tentatively, but it's the best I can do.

~

"Those drinks are too sweet for me," I admit to Dave, the cute security guard. We're talking about alcohol, and girly-drinks.

"I like my liquor bitter," I add, thinking of the stout and porter I usually drink.

"You probably have a higher developed sense of bitter," he says. "There's this Italian soda called--" I can't remember what it's called.

"You can get it in Italian markets, and such," he adds. "Why don't I bring you a bottle? I think you'd like it."

With that, I decide I must have been fairly successfully non-creepy.

He also asked where I'd been last night, as he looked for me and didn't see me.

I am tickled pink.

~

When I got home, I flipped on the TV and stripped off my shoes and socks. (I like to give myself a foot massage after work.)

I discovered two of my toes were stuck together with blood.

I don't even remember stubbing my toe.

.

Rosie.

Before&After