I went to an event out Osoyoos way.

It was a good event, but it was also a thought provoking one.

An old friend of mine spent the event pissing me off more than she was making me happy, and that made me sad.

Have I outgrown her friendship? Was she just being a self-centered tit this weekend?

I don't know. I have a tendency to let things slide and slide and slide as I drift away and away and away until one day I realize: we haven't spoken in four years.

I have been drifting. I know I have.

The friendship she had to offer when I was back in my hometown was exactly what I needed: an older ear to listen and give advice, a common interest, a place to hang out and do art that wasn't my parents' place.

Now?

What does she offer me?

She eats my food when I'm camping, and drinks my liquor. She gives me presents I don't like and don't want (she doesn't exactly pay attention to what I *do* like, and is one of those types that thinks any present is better than no present).

She gives away my food and liquor when we're camping, too, to people I don't know and without asking my permission! That makes me angry, especially because I'm on a tight budget right now.

She calls herself my teacher, and yes, I did agree to be her student, way back when.

I don't think she has anything left to teach me, at least as far as art goes. I feel like I surpassed her many, many years ago, but she still presses the teacher-student relationship almost to embarrassment.

I pick up on skills quickly. I know I do. I always have. I absorb new skills and hobbies as fast as I breathe.

(One negative result of that is that I don't finish as many projects as I'd like. My attention span switches as fast as a stone skipping across a pond.)

Half the time she's telling me about her, her, her, and the other half, she's preaching god-only-knows-what at me.

I hate being preached at. I hate people who feel obligated to teach me. I hate people who try to teach me when I'm not willing to learn.

You can tell when I don't want to learn, because my eyes go flat and dull, my responses are non-committal and monosyllabic, and I usually grit my teeth because I'm trying really hard not to say something catty.

I found myself gritting my teeth a lot this weekend.

I also retreated to my tent a fair few times, because I just couldn't handle being around people. I was glad I brought a book (The Amber Spyglass; it was good).

I suppose it did not help that I found a lot of the people who showed up to be catty and immature.

However. That makes me ponder the point: am I catty and immature?

I don't know. I try not to be, but I don't know.

Ach.

I don't know anything.

This thing...I will have to think on it for a while. What should I do?

Anyway. Tomorrow is a very early work day, but a very well paying one.

I need to go make my lunch and maybe my breakfast too.

Adieu, adieu, to yeu and yeu and yeu.

.

Rosie.

Before&After