I scan through online dating profiles with a set jaw.

It reminds me of a line from a musical: "There's only divorcees and weirdos left. And weird is fine, just not all the time."

Holy hell, there's a lot of weirdos.

I flip to the next site, the alternative site, and see a little red notification of a new message.

My inbox. Mostly a void. An unread message, and...

Last activity, 210 days ago.

His face is mostly cut out of the photo, but I recognize him anywhere now.

It's stupid. I'm stupid.

I click on his profile.

Last activity...

An ad, looking for a third, a long term triad.

Posted two months ago.

My heart heaves, inflates like a paper bag, then crumples flat.

Oh--

Oh--

It turns itself inside out. I can't breath. I'd thought--

I calculate back, a shimmer of math, pick out those sunny days, the vacation we all took together in San Diego.

Was it then? Was it before?

It hurts too much; I have to stop peering so close.

My chest--

My heart will not stop. It flip flops, it folds itself into a crane, a flower, a boat, it collapses again.

Oh--

My heart will not stop.

My heart.

Oh, stop.

Before&After