How has six months gone by since I wrote here last? Time is flickering past like a broken movie reel.

I don't know how things are going with my old lover. Sometimes he is so lovely, and loving, and my whole body feels bursting with sunshine. And sometimes he disappears for days and I don't know what to think.

Why does loneliness feel so much worse when you're in love?

We live so far apart. I keep telling myself it isn't a realistic relationship. I throw words like ropes across the gap, and sometimes I catch something, and sometimes it's just an endlessly deep gully that threatens to suck me down.

One time when I was a kid someone explained how everyone gets reincarnated, and every life you live, you have a lesson you have to learn.

I have often felt like this lifetime's lesson was love. Though maybe it's loneliness.

It's not even an established relationship. I don't think. He uses the word 'friend' like a shield.

Though maybe it's my imagination.

I'm bad at communication. Maybe that's what I need to learn.

.

Rosie.

Before&After