I had the most horribly frightening dream last night.

I almost woke up crying.

Not because it was particularely scary, because it shook me up quite severely.

See, I was in the Capitol Theatre, watching some play or rehursel or something and in comes Chris with a few other people. Chris sits down next to me and we talk a little.

Somehow it happened that we ended up kissing. And I liked it. (I always have, so it wasn't really a surprise.) But I was (and am) going out with Mike at the moment and I got really frightened because I realized I'd just cheated on Mike and I never cheat on people. Ever. If I don't want to be with someone, I'll break it off, not go sneaking around behind their backs.

But I got seriously frightened and I was crying in my dream, I remember.

So I went to find Mike to confess (it would be better to hear straight from the person than through gossip, right?) and I couldn't find him. I went to Subway and I went to his apartment and I couldn't find him, so I asked Berkley and Rye (his co-workers who were working at the time) to watch out for him for me and they said they would.

And I went to wait for him in the lobbey of his apartment building (ignore the fact his apartment building doesn't actually have a lobby) and when I finally caught up to him...

Okay. This part is kind of amusing.

When I caught up to him he had turned into a beaver. A large beaver.

Which turns out to be slightly correct because he had been (in real life, not my dream) blowing things up with his army buddies, and he told me that the symbol of the engineers he was with was the beaver.

So I wasn't that incorrect.

Still.

It frightened me that I felt something for Chris, although I havn't seen him in ages and ages.

I think I always will feel something for Chris. He's just one of those people who never quite leave you when they leave the room.

But it brought into question the affection of Mike and my relationship. Is it right? Is it true?...What if I still feel for Chris?

But I don't want to feel for Chris anymore. I don't, don't, don't. Mike is all for me as it is right now. I don't wan't Chris. No more. Never again. I'll only end up beind hurt or overlooked (again).

Dreams are supposed to be an interpritation of the truth, right?

That's scary. I don't want that to happen.

I want to be happy, as I was the night before last.

Now I'm worried.

I told Mike about him turning into a beaver, but I didn't mention the cheating part. I don't know how he'd take it, and I think it would put strain on our relationship.

Still, I'm slightly frightened.

We'll see, though.

That's how it always is. We'll see.

.

Ever worried, Rosie.

Before&After