I'm in one of those quiet, dark, moody kind of moods right now. Contemplative. The kind that you just want to break down and cry on someone for no reason what so ever. Just to cry. That's what I need right now. A good cry. I desperately need to just cry. Not for any reason, but because I havn't cried in a long time. Not out of anger, anyway. All the times I've cried lately have been out of anger or shame. I don't like those feelings. I just want to cry...just want to...cry... But the majority of me doesn't, you know. There's always a voice inside that says: ~*Don't cry. Never cry.*~ The voice would say. ~*Never show you are weak. Weaknesses will lead to your distruction. Your enemies will use your weaknesses against you.*~ "Enemies? I don't...no..." A little voice in there would say. "Who are my enemies?" ~*Everyone. They all are. They will use it against you. You have no friends. There is no one in this world you can trust.*~ "But...but..." ~*No! No one!*~ "I just want to cry..." --Dear,-- A prissy little voice pipes up. --Don't cry. Never cry. Especially in public. It's bad for your image. It's bad for my image. Imagine what the people would say...-- "I don't know, I-I...I just want..." --I know what you want, lovey, and you can't have it. It's not good for you. I know what's good for you. Listen to me...You know, you should really take care of your nails more. They're an absoloute /mess/-- "I know, but I don't...I don't really care about my nails much..." --What?! You don't care about your nails! Why you little...-- ~*Cut them short. They will get in the way.*~ --No! Shut up, you!...Now listen to me, perfect fingernails aid the perfect image. And you *do* want to be perfect, don't you?-- "I don't know...I just don't know...I just want..." =You know, it's nothing about what you want. It's all about the herd. The mass. Run with the herd. You know you want to.= ~*No! They are your enemies. Leave them behind. They will hurt you every chance they get!*~ --Men. Geez. I swear. Now, dearling, you just listen to me and---- "But...but..." =Go with the herd, dude. It's the easiest way.= "But I don't want--" =It doesn't matter what you want. You'll give in eventually.= "No, I--" ~*Don't cry. I can hear you. Don't cry. Not now. Not ever. Never, ever.*~ "But--" --No buts, dear heart. One must never cry. It's not proper. It doesn't work.-- =We don't cry. You never see us crying. It's not normal to cry. You shouldn't. You should never do something we aren't all doing. You'll be outcast like you were before. Hated. Laughed at.= --Perfection is the key. The key to acceptance. Be perfect, or you might as well not be in existance.-- =Just be like everyone else. They can't exclude you if you're just like them.= ~*Be strong. Never show a weakness. You don't need them anyway. They'll just hurt you again and again and again...*~ "I just wanted...just wanted to cry..." . That was nice. I havn't broken down and cried like that in a long time. Now I'm all tired. I'm going to bed. Good night. . Rosie.
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