Oh god, my head hurts. It really does. I don't know when or why this headache started, but it hurts.

Ah well.

C'est la vie.

Damn. Y'know what? Yes, it's that time again...Nononono! Not *that* time. No, I experienced that a while ago. I'm talking about the time where I become terrified of relationships. Why? I've yet to figure that out. But the fear has been intensifying the past couple of days, and now I'm hanging around with gay men, in order to completely avoid any shred of a romantic relationship. Maybe it's because I like Ed so. Maybe it isn't. Maybe I'm just not cut out to have relationships. Maybe I'm just not cut out to have relationships with *men*. Maybe I'm a dyke. Maybe I'm dead straight. Damn, my head hurts from thinking too much. *whimper*

But I'm still afraid.

Maybe I should blame it on my parents. But that doesn't really do much...

Maybe I should blame...naw. I'm sick of blaming. Maybe I'm just avoiding a relationship because I don't need one right now. Or maybe I desperately need one. Or maybe...maybe I need a relationship with a male my own age. Or there abouts. I havn't done that since I realized older men knew what they were doing in bed. Oh why, oh why, oh *why* do I have to be like the way I am?

I just ain't fair.

Well, I suppose nothing in life is, but what can ya do about it, mm?

Ooo. I still have the fear. Maybe I should dress very unnattractively for the next few days. Maybe then I won't get looked as much as I am now, sized up...Maybe. Maybe. It's all about the Maybe, isn't it? Maybe this, maybe that...Maybe if my parents were a little more affectionate...Maybe if I could say those three words, I love you, a little easier...Maybe if I loved someone besides my cat and guy that time whom I never realized I loved 'til I didn't love him so much anymore...

Doesn't love stink?

Ooo. Gotta run. Sorry to break it short, but I've a protest to go to. (Rarara! Parks not parking! Keep Wal-Mart off our waterfront! Whoo!)

*smooches*

G'night, my dears.

.

Rosie.

Before&After