I see depression lurking on the horizon right now. I do. I've been so down lately. I don't know why. Well, I do know why, sorta. I've been striving to be better than Sydney for so long (I know, it sounds bad, but I have), and in the past few months I've been forced to work with her, as less than her, and see her all the time being better than me...

Then, of course, there's the events of the past few weeks, and people boiling to get to war...WHY?! Why the HELL would we want a war? Why can't the US just forget about it? Sure, a lot of people died, but can't they just give a warning smack on the rear, /then/ kick some ass? Wouldn't that be the smarter thing to do? I mean, whom ever it is that blew up those buildings probably lives in a country where there are people with families who love each other, who have lives, who work, who go to school, to have interests and pet peeves and projects they work on in their spare time...they probably have hopes and dreams...Wars, they're like throwing out the whole basket of wheat in order to get rid of the few bad grains.

And can't you people leave Canada out of it for once? I mean, we've done nothing to you, and you people take our fresh water already, have diverted some of the BC rivers to the US in order to set up dams to produce power from Canadian water...And what use would we be? We're like the really short guy on the basketball team...You kind of include him 'cause you feel sorry for him, but his involvement doesn't do much. The thing he's best at is drawing the water and handing out towels when the game is done, then cleaning the change rooms when everybody's gone.

That's what Canada is, seriously. We volunteer for things before we know what we're volunteering for, then we clean everything up when the war is over. The feel-goods, the soft-hearted do-gooders up North. That's us. Nothing more. SO DON'T MAKE US FIGHT! We're useless! We don't have enough young men as it is, our population is SHRINKING without the help of a war, so leave us out of this one. We'll clean up, sure, we always do that, but for god's sakes, unless you're going to send up several hundred thousand more refugees, keep us out of this war. We don't need it. We don't want it. We all think, sure! Helping the Americans kick some ass, this is a good thing, right? But we never think of the people who are going to kick the ass, get shot, die...I've become all to painfully aware of this, after having befriended the delightfully bubbly Mike, knowing Chris (who's been seriously considering the army), and knowing one of my friend's husbands is in the US Navy at the moment. Oh, I hope he's okay. And she just had his baby, too. A beautiful little girl. Elizabeth, I think her name is.

I just want to curl up in some dark, cold place and cry. I've already done the crying part, but it's very unfullfilling to cry by yourself in front of a computer monitor that just hums and buzzes at you. I wish...I wish...

*sigh* I hope Mike doesn't go back to the army. I really do. I'd be crushed if he got sent somewhere and died.

I havn't seen Mike in a while. I wish I had his phone number.

I havn't seen Chris in a while. I should go visit him.

I havn't seen Cat in a while, and I havn't seen her little girl at all. I should phone her, then go visit. I should. I want to.

And so I sit here, clenching my fists furiously because I can do nothing, because I'm just one insignificant teenage girl, and my voice is drowned out by the cry already lifting for war, and I just want to scream because no one's listening.

So listen to me, dammit.

Before&After