I am *seriously* stressing now.

Not only because of one event from the Golden Swan weekend which I conveniently left out, much for the better, but because of my little brother, David.

See, I've been desperately wanting to do the Rotary exchange program for years, now. If ya don't know, it's a student exchange program that sends students to other countries for a year.

And I've been trying to get in since...oh...grade eight or nine?

And my little brother tried on a whim and...guess what.

Exactly.

He gets in, first try.

Bloody hell. It hit me pretty hard. And not at a good time.

Somehow, though, I knew he was going to get in.

Damn fucking mainstream cookie cutter preppy chauvinist uptight self-centered greedy arrogant jock.

Sorry. Have to get it out somehow. Please excuse the language.

On the brighter side, I think my mother will let me stay on the computer longer because I'm in a...'sensitive state'.

On the down side my mother wants to comfort me and talk to me about it. Bleagh. Heart to heart.

I *hate* heart to hearts. I seriously do. When I say 'don't talk to me about it' what the hell do you think I mean? Come and comfort me and talk to me about it? I think /not/...To me that sounds more like continue on as if nothing had happened and let me try and pretend that nothing has happened.

And so I'm sitting here on the computer, and along comes my mother and puts her arm around me and strokes me and kisses my head and it's like /bleagh/...Mo-o-om. I'm trying to use the computer here. You can stop petting me now.

When I'm stressed out, people don't seem to help. Unless I can cry on them. That is really comforting. Extremely.

But not my mother. As I've said, we're not exactly the closest two. I'm always terrified of her, in a way. She's snapping and hissing one moment and purring and kissing the next. I never know what to expect.

I remember once having a really stressful fight with her one morning, just before I was going to go to school, and so I'm fuming and crying through gritted teeth and she had been in a serious fury, with the glaring and the teeth and the flames and all...so I just put on my jacket and shoes and backpack and stand up to go out, and she comes up to me and puts her arms around my neck and tries to kiss me good bye.

Like, what the /hell/?!!

Needless to say I wasn't in the mood to be kissed by anyone, much less her, so I pushed her away and left to the sound of her light laughter.

That's why I don't like her particularely much. That kind of thing is seirously disturbing.

So when I don't want to be comforted, it's by her the least. What I'd much rather do right now is head up to Brennain and Mystica's. Or Nathan's. But the previous, more. Or find Mike. I'd like to see Mike right about now...

But I don't know what he'd think of me when he saw me...red eyed, pale, angry and upset at the same time...

But Brennain and Mystica have seen me like that before. Nathan too. So I wouldn't have much of a problem going up to Rosemont to one of their houses.

Instead, though, I think I'm going to go have a bath and scrub myself vigerously, and shave, and pluck, and make myself pretty again.

Pretty and blunt (as compared to beautiful and charming).

So with that, I go.

Adieu, mes amies, 'til we speak again.

.

Rosie.

Before&After