I wonder what it would be like if I never got my kidney removed.

I wonder if I'd still be alive, blissfully unaware of the organ mutations beneath my scarless skin.

I wonder.

I wonder if I'd be as paranoid of hospitals and docters.

I wonder if I'd be as paranoid.

I wonder if I'd be more comfortable with aquaintences and friends (as opposed to really close friends) touching me and hugging me.

It makes me curious.

I'm very bad at judging myself, though.

When I look in the mirror, I don't see a pretty girl or an ugly girl, I just see me. I have to focus really hard on each individual section so that I can rate my 'prettiness'.

I've come to the conclusino that most people find me 'oddly attractive', though not necessarily due to my face, but just due to me as a whole.

I don't know why. I keep trying to figure it out, but I'm my own enigma.

Maybe I'll never figure it out.

That would make me sad.

~

Last night's cast party was fun.

I mixed myself green apple martinis.

I even brought my metal martini glass.

People thought it was funny.

I know I was amused.

Most people were drinking Baby Duck (bleagh). It's a really, really cheap kind of wine.

It seems to be a favorite in the theatre department.

Still, it was good fun.

I wanted so badly to hit on Albert (one of the actors who suddenly turned into a sex god, ever since we all saw him in his Hang Gliding Over the Abyss costume).

But he's got a girlfriend, and I just don't tread on other girls' territories.

It's mean.

And on that note, I'm done.

I gotta pack some bozes to take to Jesslyn (my roommate's) house, for storage for the summer.

.

Rosie.

Before&After