I am watching Josh Groban videos on YouTube and getting all lonely, sad, and happy, all at the same time.

I don't think I'm ready for a new relationship yet. Sometimes I feel like it, but then things happen like today, and I don't think so anymore.

I went to a LAN party this weekend, met some of Ryan's friends, one of which was Rob.

I could tell Rob liked me. I like Rob well enough, and I like flirting with him, but...

I don't know. Physically, average (what I generally go for). Financially together. He had a stroke last year, but he's got a remarkably upbeat outlook on life, despite his front of angry disinterest (and it is totally a front).

He's smart, clever, a bit different, the way I usually like them. His music tastes intersect enough to relate, but are different enough to be interesting.

He picked me up and dropped me off at my house all weekend, when I had to work and what not, and didn't drive like a maniac when I asked him not to. The conversation was enjoyable, even when we got desperately lost and had to phone Ryan four times for directions.

When he dropped me off for the last time, he popped up to my apartment so I could copy some music from one of his disks.

And yet, as he lingered at the door, reluctant to leave, my heart constricted with fear and I wanted nothing more than for him to leave.

It surprised me, too.

If he asks me on a date, I think I'll just have to tell him plainly. He's the type who would appreciate a straight up answer.

Stupid love. Swear it off. It hurts too much.

Just plain, unattatched sex. That's what I need.

...okay, not really.

.

Rosie.

Before&After