I went out dancing last night.

Or at least, I should have.

Before I even got there, the two people who were there decided it was too crowded, and they were hungry, so they vetoed dancing.

And me in my red stockings and pirate pants, too.

Needless to say, it threw a funk on my evening. We ended up landing in a very nice pub, for which I was rather overdressed for.

The only problem was, I wasn't in a pub mood. I was all psyched to go salsa dancing. I had had my heart set on it.

I was wearing earrings, for crying out loud! And make-up!

Anyway, it was that, topped with the unexpected arrival of my ex's girlfriend.

Lately she seems to be showing up at every group outing, whether she's invited or not.

I don't mind her as a human, but she reminds me of a really hard time in my life, because she inevitably starts talking about my ex.

I was really hoping last night was going to be a night of sore feet, sweaty bodies, strange men, and carefree gyrations.

Instead, I was crammed in a corner of a pub booth, listening to the inane chatter of the normals, trying to ignore every time when my ex was brought up in conversation.

I talked about it with my friend Laura, and she pointed out that I'm giving my ex way too much power over me. That I'm hanging on to too much hurt and anger.

I know she's right.

I'm having a hard time isolating the wellspring of my discontent. It's disconcerting. I'm used to being able to point out why I'm not happy and cut it out.

But not this time. This time it's just a beast, chewing and chewing and chewing.

Well, at least it's better than before. Before I would have cried at every mention of my ex. Now I can sit next to his girlfriend, and only be quietly discontent.

I thought I was hiding it well, too, but a comment James said the other day made me think, maybe not so much.

At least I'm not really obvious about it, or vocal at all (except here, I suppose).

Ah, I dunno.

I have to let it go.

I'm coming up on a year of not being laid.

As I told Laura, to go a year without being laid is some kind of crime.

I need to fix that, something fierce.

*sighs*

Well, I shall follow the advice Laura offered me, and meditate on my anger, see if I can't find a way to let it go, even if I can't figure out why I'm still angry. Maybe give someone else a chance, at least in bed.

Wish me luck.

.

Rosie.

Before&After